This is an attempt to understand these two excellent articles by Frith Luton about the anima and the animus. This article will make sense only in the context of those two, so please read them if you haven't already.
We not only project our animus or anima onto another person but we project them in the stage they are.
If the other person cannot match up to our needs in this respect either because they have not reached themselves or because they are well past that point, that will lead to a lack of fulfillment or frustration.
If one's inner development is at a lower level than the point their partner's ego has reached, it makes one blind to their partner's "better" qualities. It can leave the partner quite frustrated and under-appreciated.
If one's inner development has gone beyond their partner's current level of ego development, one can feel that they are "holding you back" or that they are not living up to one's expectations.
Even when they argue about things like this, every accusation is usually a confession - so if a woman repeatedly brings up a man's sexuality (or lack thereof), she is likely to be at Power stage of her own animus development. Likewise if all that matters to her is whether a man can provide well or get things done, she could be at Deed.
If a man only wants to idealize or "be friends" with a woman, it could indicate Eve or if he can't get past her looks and attractiveness, he might be at Helen.
